She called me. As soon as I saw her name on the caller ID, I knew something happened because we both dislike talking on the phone.
I picked up and said right away, ” What’s wrong ? ”
She started with her usual ” Soooooooo ,” followed by a long pause letting me know that she wanted to reveal something to me but she did not now where to start. I waited for her to finish, ” I went to see him,” She said quietly.
I smiled because I knew exactly who she was referring to and I was expecting this. I remembered her mentioning to me a few weeks ago that her ex contacted her and asked to see her. She told me then that she immediately told him no and that she wanted to keep moving forward. Despite that, I knew that she had this obsession with closure. She was not going to miss the chance to see him one more time and she would find all the logical reasons to do it.
” So what happened? ” I asked.
” I went to his place, that was my first mistake ,” she responded, ” but luckily his roommate was there so we couldn’t really do too much. Of course we made out like crazy kissing and touching every chance we got.”
I could feel her rolling her eyes. She always talked about their incredible sexual chemistry. They can never see each other without something physical happening.
” And the worst part is, I don’t know what I expected but I didn’t get any kind of closure,” She continued, ” I’m more confused and sad now than I was before we saw each other.”
And that’s when I asked her, ” But why are you really hurt ? Think about it, what is it that is really bothering you about this particular situation? You’ve had break-ups before but this one really seems to be getting under your skin.”
There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone line. I could hear her taking several deep breaths as if she was trying to keep from crying.
She finally answered , ” I think It’s the fact that he spent so many months trying to convince me that he loved me when I was afraid to open up. He knew that I had been hurt in the past but yet he made me feel so guilty about my unwillingness to let him in. He made me feel like I was a coward. I was actually convinced that this man was deeply in love with me and I was hurting his soul by not loving him back. I allowed myself to admit that I love him because I thought that I had the safety of his love to fall back on. When he broke up with me just a few weeks after we decided to give it a try, I felt like it was all a lie from the beginning. How can you love someone so deeply for months only to change your mind when they want to love you back?”
” Honestly, I understand how you feel ,” I replied, ” But maybe He was so infatuated with you when he met you that your rejection, intensified his feelings to the point that he convinced himself that he was in love. He was so determined to get you to change your mind that he thought that the captivation and the lust that he felt for you was love.”
She let out a long sigh and said ” How am I supposed to know when to believe someone again? When is it ever safe to open up? How many dudes out there are waiting to convince me to love them only to change their minds the minute I give in?”
” I wish I knew, ” I responded.
” I just feel like seeing him, being friends with him or even talking to him right now is really not a good idea, ” She said, ” That visit to his place proved that”.
We talked about it for a few more minutes but before long we moved on to our plans for the upcoming weekend. I feel like sometimes we just need to ask ourselves what the real reason is behind the hurt. For so long, she had been talking about how she did not understand why he was rejecting her. Nonetheless, when she really went below the surface, she realized that it’s the possibility that he never really loved her but worked so hard to convince her that he did. That truly baffled her. Once she was able to admit that, she was able to slowly but surely get over her disappointment and move on.