dating

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Did you ever have to break up with someone who “didn’t deserve it”? Basically, the person is the appropriate height, attractive enough and things are going relatively well. You have no real complaints and they seem to be really happy with you. However, you just know that this is not the person for you. It’s possible that you don’t feel connected to that person mentally, physically or emotionally. You may also see your lives going completely different directions.  Lastly, maybe you just don’t see yourself loving the person as much as they love you. In any case, you’ve reached a point when you realize that you have to let go of that person because it is simply not fair to prolong the inevitable.

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The weird thing is, those are the hardest relationships to put an end to. According to societal standards, the obvious reasons to end a relationship include infidelity,physical abuse or emotional abuse. If you decide to break up with someone and it’s not due to one of those reasons, you have to go through a long drawn out explanation of why it didn’t work out every single time. In the end, people still don’t get it.

Society teaches us that no matter what you’re going through in life, as long as you have someone, you’re “normal” and there’s hope for you yet. As a result, if you willingly decide to end a relationship because it  “just doesn’t feel right” or  you just don’t see yourself being with that person on a long term basis , you’re riddled with internal and external guilt.breakup4

I remember going through this and thinking to myself : “what’s wrong with me? He’s a perfectly normal guy who seems  to care about me a lot.  Why can’t I just overlook the way I feel and make this work?”. Your peers as well as your parents may  also reenforce this way of thinking. They’ll tell you how hard it is to find someone these days. They’ll have you rethink and delay your decision. However, you have to be confident enough to believe that you know yourself best. No matter what anyone says, YOU have to be the one in the relationship. If you’re lucky, the people who are closest to you will eventually support your decision but don’t count on it. Just do what’s best for you.

I will make one suggestion. Something that really helped me, was making a list of all of the reasons why I believed that I could not be with that person. We are all human and we tend to crave companionship, love and affection whether we have it or not. A small part of you is afraid that you will get lonely and regret letting go of this person who cares so much about you. So make a list to remind yourself of why you made the right decision. I guarantee, you will forget once in a while. Having the list will keep you grounded and allow you to move forward and never look back.

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– Moana

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