Link to The Friendzone: Michael part 1
So here I was, once again, confused by my feelings for this man. I was so sure that we would never get physical again but the one time I let my guard down, I lost all control. It was different from the first time. This time we both knew beforehand that it would not lead to anything. We both knew that there was no reason for us to go down that road again. As a result, I felt a combination of guilt and disappointment in myself and in him.I vaguely expressed to him that I felt that our friendship was changing but he disagreed. He did not believe that what happened could negatively impact our friendship. I no longer felt comfortable discussing it so I tried to move on and pretend like nothing had happened.
New Year’s Eve was approaching and I had no plans. I was feeling mentally and physically drained so I decided that I needed a little vacation. My funds were limited so I decided to book a hotel room with a spa for two nights so it could feel like I was going away. I made up an excuse and let my parents know I would not be back until January 2. I made sure not to tell anybody where I was going. Truthfully, I wanted to feel isolated. On the second night, after wishing each other Happy New year, Michael and I were texting as usual. He told me that he was bored and that he wanted come over. I tried to keep my location from him but I finally gave in and told him the address and the room number. Ladies, when will we ever learn? When I think about it today, I remember how naive I was , thinking that nothing would happen.
At first we were just talking and trying to find something to watch. I remember him reaching for the remote and before I knew it, it was happening all over again. I don’t even really know how it started. All I know is that we were kissing and we did not want to stop. That night we made love over and over again. It was like we had been thirsty for years (pun intended) and we were FINALLY getting a chance to quench our thirst. We only stopped occasionally to get a bite to eat. We were so comfortable with each other that it was easy to say what we wanted and how we wanted it and that resulted in waves of endless pleasure that lasted almost all night long.
The next morning I woke up and realized what I did. Once again I put on a smile and pretended like I was fine, joking around and teasing him while we checked out. He offered to drive me home but I was exhausted from the pretending so I told him I would take an Uber. The whole ride home, I was thinking about our years of friendship. I was thinking about the fact that I avoided sleeping with him all this time because I knew it would break my heart and I did it anyway. I was thinking about how he would just go on with his relationship and erase that night from his memory while I would be replaying in my mind over and over again.I decided in that moment that it was over. The friendship I was trying so hard to hold on to, was ruined. My feelings for him had taken over and there was nothing I could do about it. We continued talking as usual but I was slowly letting him go and getting used to not having him in my life. Months went by and we talked less, shared less, and we barely made plans to see each other. Honestly, this friend zone started to feel like a prison and I wanted to be free.
The following year, he received a job offer in Atlanta and he decided to propose to his girlfriend. I always knew he was destined for greatness so I was very happy that he was having so many positive things happening for him.I also always knew that I would never be his wife so I was not at all surprised by his engagement. I took him to one of our favorite sushi restaurants to say goodbye. We talked for hours and for a that brief period of time I remembered what it felt like to truly be his friend. We talked about everything except for that night in the hotel room and that was fine with me. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again.I did promise myself that I would move forward and let him go for good and I think I was doing pretty well until I decided to tell you guys the story.